'Rome was not built in a day' is the famous saying to impress upon us the importance of time, processes take from beginning to completion. This is applicable to human relationships also because of their long-lasting memory. The memory aspect has been studied by me on animals also which have shorter memory and there their relationships get changed quickly. But humans are quite different, they keep on storing information for later uses including that for making and deepening relationships.
The process is understood easily through analyzing an explosion of anger. When a person has disagreement for the first time with somebody, he/she digests it calmly. In case of an agreemental episode later, the earlier disagreement gets washed off or weakened. If there are repetitive disagreements with the same person, these gets converted into anger. If the anger goes on accumulating subsequently, there comes an occasion for the anger to explode and a relationship of enmity begins. Thus, the relationship is the result of accumulation of disagreements.
The same theory is applicable to friendly relationships also, wherein the romantic situation takes time to build up. The first occasion may just be a feeling of attraction, and if gets repeated it may be an introduction. Similar repetitive episodes develop into a deeper relationship with accumulated feelings for each other.
The concept has a good utility in sustaining a relationship at a desired level of feelings or seriousness. If you want your friend to stop from becoming close to you more than that you desire, just add some salt to the feeling in the next meeting. This will surely distract your friend from having deeper feelings for you. Conversely, if you don't want an enmity to grow, just add some sweetness, may be even artificial, to the relationship. The feeling of enmity shall be dissolved to some extent.
Unilateral accumulation of feelings does not get transformed into a relationship because every relationship is a bilateral phenomenon. If you have some feelings for someone and want them to grow into a relationship, you have to arouse similar feelings in the other person also and keep on nourishing them gradually without expecting an overnight transformation.
2 comments:
The illustration given on ways to maintain the relationship at a neutral level is very smart. For some reason, it sends me a mental picture of a cook preparing a dish in the kitchen, balancing the amount of sugar and salt needed to create the desired taste.
I enjoyed reading this thoroughly, Sir. Your mind sees through things at an angle that is refreshing. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Wonderful post.Mainly i love the rose flower.Yes ur right Relationship is very imp in today's life.
Work from home India
Thanks for sharing.
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