Three Aspects of Love Chemistry

Lovers have three types of experiences in their love lives - attraction, excitation and compassion. Out of these, the first two are transient while the third provides longevity to a loving relationship. 

Feeling attraction is euphoric due to release of some particular chemicals in the brain - a family of amphetamines which includes dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine (PEA). This phenomenon does not last long for two reasons - the body gets immune to the chemicals and also it fails to produce enough of these chemicals for long. Hence, attraction is just a kick if not supported by later other chemical reactions in the body..This phase of passionate love depends on how the other person presents him/herself for an attraction, looks like love at first sight but works like 'out of sight, out of mind'.


An attraction need be supported by an excitation for the relationship to develop and this requires many circumstantial factors to be favorable for the relationship to establish. Duration and closeness of the contact are the most important of these factors, else the attraction fades away like 'out of sight, out of mind' phenomenon. Excitation for loving is affected by release of chemical oxytocin which sensitizes nerves and stimulates muscle contraction needed for the excitation. During the excitation phase, oxytocin release increases to 3 to 5 times the normal secretion of this chemical by the brain. In women, it is even more making them excited to a higher degree than that for men.


Third aspect of love is compassionate love which is affected by endorphins produced in the brain and it lasts long enough for the love to be compassionate. This replaces the passionate love affected by the amphetamines. In this phase, the affair depends on the overall impression of the beloved by what he/she really is. If the beloved is not found really favorable, even the attraction and excitation fade away.      



For loving, men look for sexuality and fertility of the woman and so fall in love rapidly on seeing an attractive woman, almost like a love at first sight. But this proves to be euphoric in most of the cases. A true love by the man is tested by time only through its endurance. Comparatively, women fall in love hesitatingly, slowly and gradually. They look for more than just the attraction, security in love is more important for them. But once they fall in love, they continue it for longer than men. 

How You Become What You Think of Yourself

Whatever we may try for being real, we never deal with others through our real self but through the image we have about ourselves. This self-image is highly influenced by what one think of him/herself. When some thinking about oneself continues for some time, the real-self disappears and the image-self takes over all elements of one's behavior with others. In this process, others also start treating the person as projected to them. This influences the future of the person in two ways -

• The projected image becomes the mission of one's life and he/she puts his/her best efforts to become like that.
• The person starts taking interest in studies and other things related to the self-image. This enriches his/her knowledge base in the field and he/she acquires more capabilities in the field. This further eases for him/her to become what he/she aspires to be.  

When I was a student of standard 9, my father's friends inspired me to be an Engineer one day because one of their friend's brother was an Engineer and he was respected the most in his social circles. They always used to tell me stories about this glorified Engineer. I also made up my mind to become an Engineer when I grow up. With this inclination, I started discussing Engineering with my father's friends, and some of them started calling me  an 'Engineer'. I used to feel proud of it and this became mission of my life and very often, I used to think of myself as an Engineer. With this image of the self, I succeeded in becoming what I wanted.



Thus, everyone can become what he/she wants to be through power of his/her thoughts. But it need be noted that for fulfilling any desire you have to deserve for that, and for deserving you have to work hard and devotedly in the field of your liking. 




  

Sensitivity and its Preservation

Often creative persons are more sensitive to happenings in their surroundings in their own way than others, but the reverse is not necessarily true – all sensitive persons are not found to be creative. A very notable attribute of sensitive persons is that they love it and remain ever-alert in preserving it.

Creativity is always impulsive that means you can’t ask a person to display his/her creativity at any time. He/she displays it on getting an impulse for it from his/her mind. But sensitivity of these persons remains alive all the time irrespective of the creative impulse. Indeed, this sensitivity itself is the primal cause of creative impulses.

Creativity-sensitivity link is irrespective of the profession of the person. Authors, painters, musicians, etc. see the world differently as compared to others. Their sensitivities make their observations more intense and wider than the average individuals.

Creativity and sensitivity of all individuals may be displayed on a continuous spectrum – most of us have it higher than some and also lower than some others.  Highly creative persons have abnormal, sometimes appearing to be inhumane for others, sensitivity and they are born like that. As a novelist put it, “To them… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death”. Such intense feelings produce creative impulses in them and they can’t stay away from creating.

About 15 to 20 percent of people are found to have higher level of sensitivity than the average individuals. An average individual notices less in his/her environment and acts quickly without reflecting on the observation, while a sensitive person observes deeply and reflects on it before acting. This process builds up creative impulse in him/her. So creative persons are more careful and conscientious than others.

Why all sensitive persons are not creative then? It is because some crush it under burden of adverse circumstances, some get deprived of it due to their low self-esteem, and some more never recognize it within themselves. Every person with high level of sensitivity can create and make his/her life more meaningful. 

Smile Please

When a person smiles, two changes are observed on his/her face – his/her lips stretch sideways upwards, and his/her eyes squeeze forming crows feet near the temples. The former function is carried out by a muscle known as zygomatic major muscle and the latter, by the obicularis oculi muscle of the person’s face. Out of these two, the second one is involuntary in a genuine smile, now known as Duchenne smile to honor the researcher, a French Doctor. 

Most often, true-to-heart persons display a genuine smile and it has been established by researches that such persons live longer with greater feeling of well-being as compared to the rest.  

A genuine smile is a real spontaneous emotion that stays there for a moment only. If the crows feet stay longer, its genuineness is doubtful. Any smile without crows feet is surely to be doubted for its genuineness.

It may happen sometimes that even a fake smile may be projected as a genuine one while a genuine smile may be perceived as a fake one. This is subjected to viewpoints of the two – the projector as well as the perceiver. But the person him/herself surely knows whether his/her smile is genuine or not and this is reflected in his/her signs of body language. Therefore, for a genuine smile to look genuine, one may need to support it through his/her body language, and the best tool for this is the real intention of the subject.

So, look in the mirror and smile to see whether your genuine smile really looks genuine. Take special care of it when being photographed. However in genuineness, there is nothing to take care except the genuine intention. If not genuine, you are going to be caught red-handed one day, sooner or later.

It is said that that one can fool the whole world for sometime and a part of it for all the times. But surely, nobody can fool all for all times to come. Therefore genuineness has no substitute.